Key points
- Curiosity is innate, not learned. Our natural curiosity fuels both learning and connection.
- Structured systems can suppress curiosity.
- In adulthood, our lost curiosity results in shallower relationships and less collaborative workplaces.
- Reigniting curiosity rebuilds trust and connection.
Simon was recently walking through the park with his three-year-old daughter. Autumn had truly arrived, and brown leaves lay scattered across the ground beneath the bare trees. Simon’s daughter saw a small boy playing among the leaves and ran over to see what he was doing. The two quickly formed an unspoken bond as they joined forces, collecting the discarded leaves into piles.
If you have children, you are almost certainly familiar with this scene, or one like it. Children naturally want to understand what’s happening around them, and that curiosity helps them to connect with anyone, or anything, that intrigues them. When there’s something new and exciting to discover, social anxiety is easily forgotten. Connections are easily forged.
How often do you see adults engaging in the same way? We certainly find it easier to bond over something we know we have in common: Witness strangers hugging when their team has scored or singing together at their favourite band’s concert. But beyond those specific settings, we tend to be more reserved when meeting new people, very conscious of the proper social etiquette and careful not to cross boundaries.
What became of the natural curiosity we had when we were young? To that bridge between discovery and connection that opened new worlds and friendships?
Born Curious
Lydia Redman, an early years expert working for the Royal Borough of Greenwich in the UK, regards curiosity as a fundamental trait of young children. “We are born curious,” she said. “Curiosity is naturally innate in young children. I’ve never met a child whose curiosity wasn’t evident. Their brain makes thousands of connections every day.”
The childlike sense of wonder is fundamental to the qualities of effective learners that early childhood educators, like Redman, strive to nurture. The Tickell Review, reporting on the foundational impact of the early years, explains how children learn and outlines three key characteristics:
- Playing and exploring (engagement)
- Active learning (motivation)
- Creating and thinking Critically (thinking)
Redman sees curiosity as “the root of all of those skills that we want children to develop.” The view aligns with research by Jonathan Haidt highlighting the importance of unstructured play in allowing children to freely explore and cultivate their natural curiosity.
Curiosity helps young people develop critical minds and build connections. It’s both a learning tool and a social link.article continues after advertisement
And it is just as important to us in adulthood as it is to children.
Where Does Our Curiosity Go?
In his book The Anxious Generation, Haidt contends that a decline in unstructured play, which began in the 1990s, has contributed to various developmental issues, including an inhibited capacity for curiosity, creativity, and problem-solving. Redman has also observed that as education becomes more formalised, curiosity is impacted.
“We begin to see less emphasis and less allowance for curiosity as people move through later childhood and into their teens. The British education system begins formal learning for children at a very early age. We place a great emphasis on knowledge and output, which can often lead to excessive cramming. It’s not helping our children to be curious and become problem solvers.”
A focus on regurgitating knowledge rather than solving problems, and the subsequent suppression of curiosity, impacts us as we transition from childhood to our teenage years and then into adulthood and the workplace.
We move from playground to classroom, then to lecture hall, and finally to meeting room. At each stage, we feel the weight of structure, hierarchy, and an increasing fear of giving the wrong response.
Our natural impulse to explore and challenge gets suppressed and replaced by a desire to conform and give the expected response.
Curiosity in the Workplace
The inhibition of curiosity impacts the workplace and our relationships. The pressure of deadlines and expectations adds to the suppression of our desire to explore. We concentrate on the agenda and the task in front of us, rather than seeking to learn and develop. Narrow conversations mean we miss the chance to get to know our colleagues better.
Of course, some workplaces promote more curiosity than others. People in the engineering and creative sectors still need to maintain a sense of play to succeed in their roles. However, that doesn’t mean their curiosity influences every aspect of their job.
As leaders, we must take the initiative and rekindle a sense of curiosity among those who work for and with us. Simple steps, such as encouraging more conversations and connections without an agenda, can have a significant impact. Allow time in meetings for small talk and catch-ups, and organise meetings in which you explore what could have been done differently on a recent project to improve outcomes—without assigning blame or finger-pointing.
Curiosity isn’t about knowing the answer; it’s about genuinely listening and seeking understanding. Leaders need to foster a culture in which there are no definitive or expected answers but in which exploration and challenge are embraced. Conversations should include active listening and authentic engagement, as modelled in The Curiosity Cycle..
The Foundation of Connection
Children who start playing together out of shared curiosity and play are not intentionally building relationships; they are discovering them naturally. As adults, many of us have lost that sense of magic and spontaneity. If we can reignite the spirit of exploration, we too can connect more deeply and form stronger relationships and more meaningful bonds, reliving the magic we experienced as children.
References
Dame Clare Tickell. (2011). The Early Years: Foundations for Life, Health and Learning.
Lukianoff, G., & Haidt, J. (2018). The Coddling of the American Mind: How good intentions and bad ideas are setting up a generation for failure. Penguin Books.
Haidt, J. (2024). The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. New York, NY: Penguin Press.
About the Author
A specialist in professional relationships and networking for over 25 years, Andy Lopata is an experienced international speaker, podcast host, and the author of six books on the topic.