Do you remember the time, or a time when someone saw you? I mean someone gave you real visibility, called you by name, made sure you were included? Someone who said in the scramble to get on the bus, don’t forget Michaela or Mary. Like the time Patrick, my best friend at school, who was so used to calling me “Cossie,” their usual nickname for any of us Costellos, turned to me at Manly railway station one Thursday afternoon and said,” See you tomorrow. Paul.” I never forgot the way he said “Paul,” as if a different person was being called into being.
Do you remember the time, or a time when someone really heard you? I mean, relayed back to you the fact that they had taken your words seriously, or when someone even quoted your words back to you in awe. “I was thinking a lot about what you said yesterday, Paul.” Hearing that, you know someone valued your voice. Like the time a kid I was teaching in Grade 9 called Roberto, when asked about what life was teaching him, said, “You just don’t grow up. You grow yourself up.” I had to stop and repeat it to him, to make sure I heard it right, and then affirm its foundational truth,”You can say that again.” I wanted to relay to him that I had never heard such wisdom before… or since for that matter. Here I am 50 years later, still telling Roberto’s story, and still growing myself up.
As children growing up in a traditional Irish Catholic family, the adage was “Children should be seen and not heard.” Any sunny afternoon after school, we were not even to be seen. Mum told us boys to scram- get out of here, Go play cricket. Don’t come back till dinner time. The world of kids was not the world of adults, and there was something to be said for that.
But growing up involves important stages of recognition that we cannot do for ourselves. It has to be someone else’s gift. As the baby sees her face for the first time in the radiant eyes of her mother, so too children and teenagers requires someone to mirror them back to themselves, to realize what they are becoming, and- Oh how they shine!
Project CHANGE trains its members to practice the art of making sure kids know they matter-making sure that they are seen, called by their name, listened to with respect, and grace and curiosity.
In the course of a busy school day, or in an after-school program, there is usually a subject to be taught, or an activity to be completed. In a class of 30 kids, the job of the teacher or program facilitator is to complete the task. The teacher teaches. The student is taught. The visibility or the voice of each kid is fashioned around their being on task. The teacher will call me out if I am not paying attention. The director will urge me to finish the poster on time. That is all necessary, but somewhere, floating around the room is going to be an AmeriCorps member who is there, not as the task master, but the one to catch people being themselves, see them, acknowledge them, inquire, laugh, appreciate, encourage. Wow- look at you!
While education aims to teach students about the world, Project CHANGE wants to be sure that they do not miss out on the joy of learning about themselves. That means in the brief interactions around a room, or in the corridor, or as students leave for home, the AmeriCorps member knows she is there to see them, to hear them, to recognize them, to celebrate them. “Don’t forget your hat, Jake.” “Well done in soccer today, Jameka.” ” Happy birthday for Sunday, Miguel.”
When we call it SEL-Social Emotional Learning, or Wellness, or a host of other impressive names, it sounds very new. But it has always been how humans grow each other up. You can write it into a logic model and call it ED27C, with dosage and outputs and intensities, but that only belies just how simple it is, and sadly, how rare.
It is very simple, but how profound! You can say that again, Roberto.
Happy AmeriCorps Week.