Non Violent Communication Seminar

February 26, 2016 Paul Costello1 Uncategorized

Today AmeriCorps Project CHANGE team met to get ready for the Half -Yearly Interviews scheduled for later this month. They also met Dr. Bob Anastasi, who works with the George B Thomas Learning Academy and was one of the key founders of Project CHANGE. Bob shared his experience as a principal and his work as the CEO of various non-profits and explained how Project CHANGE started. Then it was down to business.

One of the key skills of leadership is how to receive and give constructive feedback and that became the focus of the training. Mid-year evaluations can be done as a ritual that one endures, or they can be used to enhance performance for the second half of the service year. Members tried out the evaluation survey that they and the supervisor will each get, and planned how they might respond and what they might request at the meeting.

The other part of the training was taking the well known book my Marshall Rosenburg called Non Violent Communication- A Language of Life. Here members learned about the necessary distinctions between

1.Observations and Interpretations

2.Feelings and Thoughts

3.Needs and Wishes

4. Requests and Demands

We tried out some sample conversations using the model:

“When I notice you coming an hour late for our dinner date last Friday, ( Specific Observation)
I felt angry and frustrated ( the Feeling)
because I need to know my time and your time is respected, since we are both so busy, ( the Need) and so can I ask you in future, if you know you are going to be late, can you call me ahead of time so I don’t overcook the chicken or worry that you have had an accident.” (The Request, not the Demand.)

Rosenberg argued that all conflict happens because we miscommunicate our legitimate human needs. We tend to confuse facts with feelings, and requests with demands. We try to make others responsible for our feelings and abdicate the adult role which is to know what you need and take action to have them met. When we say, “You make me so angry because you are not listening,” we are making someone else responsible for how we feel. Not only is that a vital surrender of power, it is also the first step to protracted conflict. Members were encouraged to be the chief advocates for their own needs, because unless they are competent in meeting their own needs, they can hardly be totally adept at meeting other people’s needs. One must never confuse the two, and one must never allow the second to be the excuse for neglecting the fair demands of the first. Service may be unselfish but it cannot be at the price of sacrificing the essentials.

We also tried to expand the conversation about the second half. If the first 6 months of service has been perfect, then that does not leave any room for growth or experimenting. Members were encouraged to formulate a request for their supervisor that would build on what they learned so far, and help the supervisor better support the ongoing work of each AmeriCorps member. Some wanted more understanding of other parts of the Non Profit organization, such as budget and policy, and others want to ask for more structure or clearer communication of expectations. Whatever the request, I am sure that our partners will continue to enhance the Project CHANGE member’s experience, and make it even more memorable.

Project CHANGE Supervisors Celebrate our Members Gifts

February 19, 2016 Paul Costello1 Uncategorized

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When you convene a training meeting of Supervisors, as we did today, you expect to hear some of the real issues that members face at their work site. And you want to also hear how the Supervisors perceive the member’s contribution. But what you don’t expect is such fulsome praise. If you were eavesdropping, this is what you would have heard by way of comments:

“Goes above and beyond.”
“Instrumental in so many ways. She has made our program extension possible.”
“Helps us with the most difficult conversations.”
“He has discovered in the work that he can be a strong advocate and that is what he wants to do.”
“They have increased the enrollment by more than 30%, from 300 kids to over 500.”
“She expanded the healthy eating and ran the Wellness Fair totally as her idea. All I had to do was show up. Amazing work”
“She has engaged the school more with our program. Something we really needed.”
“She is so very organized. She is teaching us so much.”
“Sometimes I worry that she is working too many hours, and coming in too early and leaving too late. Her work ethic is outstanding.”
“She is so oriented to detail- its something we are learning from her. She tracks everything.”
“Her desire to learn is amazing. Every day, she has questions that engage me.”
“He really does the work and takes responsibility and doing so much more than I ask him.”

I told the supervisors that the quality of the AmeriCorps experience relies so much on the quality of the supervisors and wanted to appreciate them for how much great work they are doing with Project CHANGE. The other part of our meeting was an amazing feeling of camararderie, where each supervisor was able to share freely and listen to the experience of other supervisors. We did the traditional Bells and Whistles Check in, followed by time for some peer to peer group coaching. It is such a simple process and yet, always so powerful. The experience of being heard is like a magic elixir, made more precious because perhaps it is so rare.

Well done and THANK YOU to all our amazing Supervisors, and a huge WELL DONE to the amazing Project CHANGE team of 2015-16. You make us all proud.

Cultural Jeopardy-Study Circles and the Serious Game of Culture

February 5, 2016 Paul Costello1 Uncategorized

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What is Limpia? What is a Bar Mitzvah? What is a Samosa? What cultures celebrate a different date for New Year? What faiths require men to always cover their heads? What is Ramadam? Who eats black eyed peas on New Years eve and why? What is the Hijab? How many can you answer?

The questions were all part of a fun game, and the A team beat team Jonas, and there was a lot of laughter and joking. But when you think about it, the questions reveal how ignorant or how well informed each one of us is about the culture of another. Imagine a teacher who teaches a child who is keeping Ramadam, and does not understand what fasting does to a young body on a hot day? Or the teacher who has a girl wearing the hijab?

We live in a global world where cultures are both blended and distinct. To teach or to work in a mutli-cultural setting, such as our AmeriCorps team do, in their day to day service, the training that Study Circles offers is crucial. Thank you Study Circles.

Project Change experiences the Study Circles Method

February 3, 2016 Paul Costello1 Uncategorized

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The Project Change new year got off to a strong start with two trainings conducted by John Landesman and staff at Study Circles, where two of our members are serving. Study Circles has been a Project Change partner almost from the beginning, and it is a special part of our year long training program. We have our members go through a mini-version of what so many School Principals and Staff have found so transformative. Here is how the MCPS annual report explains the issue:

“The gap in performance among racial subgroups persists and, in some cases, has grown… There is a sense of urgency to closing the gap and that urgency becomes even greater as MCPS becomes a more diverse school district.”

Stage One is a lot of fun mostly, building the trust through games and story sharing. The life line exercise is always so powerful, where each person is asked to share one event or moment in their lives that changed who they were, or how they saw the world. It never fails to amaze me that people forget that we all have to live in the same century, and the same decade, and that events like 9-11 or the wars in Iraq or Hurricane Katrina effect us all, one way or another. When an event effects many, it effects all.

Stage Two, for homework , we are asked to share any articles we have read that talk about racism. Some members brought up news items on anti-Muslim sentiments in some parts of the nation, and others have shared about the Black Lives Matter movement. These are conversations that are never easy, but when it comes to the effects of institutional racism on our education system, the cost of remaining silent or on the sidelines is too great.

So this week, we are eager to have those critical conversations about race, and learn how others have experienced it as privilege or disadvantage.

Thank you John and Study Circles.

MLK Day of Service for AmeriCorps Project Change

January 14, 2016 Paul Costello1 Uncategorized

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Martin Luther King Junior’s birthday happens to be tomorrow, January 15th, and in his honor, on Monday January 18th, the AmeriCorps Project Change team will be participating in the annual Service Fair at the Marriott Convention Center, North Bethesda, run by Volunteer Maryland. It is always a fun day, full of hands on opportunities to pack food parcels, make greeting cards for veterans serving overseas, and sampling some of the other amazing work done by exhibiting Volunteer Organizations.

The call to serve is something that King thought was a defining characteristic of the citizen. He called it life’s most persistent question, “What are you doing for others?” The contribution that everyday citizens make to the common good, by looking out for their neighbors, by participating in local clubs and action groups, by being members of churches and synagogues dedicated to making their communities healthier and happier, are the pillars of the “Beloved Community” that King thought was America’s most compelling vision.

The Americorps Project Team continue to embody that dream that King articulated. After a bit of a break over the holiday season, they are all gearing up for a great new year of serving those who are most in need. As we celebrate one of America’s heroes, we salute our everyday heroes who continue to live out that dream.

Living Stories Comes alive at AmeriCorps

December 4, 2015 Paul Costello1 Uncategorized

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What an amazing morning at Project Change, as we played host to 20 other members of neighboring AmeriCorps programs in Maryland. The energy was palpable and people were truly listening and honoring each others experiences as fellow members of the state of MD AmeriCorps team.

The final story circle was enriched by Kerry who told of the Lessons of the Chainsaw, and how you not only have to face your fears but realize that you cannot mask them either. The instructional video had shown him all the things that can go wrong with a chainsaw, and made him forget about all the things that can go right.

Jose’s story of picking up other people’s trash and wondering why he suddenly cares for this precious world, and how transformative AmeriCorps has been for him. His parting message was to follow your dreams.

Miranda reprised Ben’s story of the 9 year old who was too tough to handle, until Ben learned that this kid had to be tough to survive. He was the head of his house, with no dad, and younger siblings. It was his visit to the nurse to get some tape to tape over a hole in his shoes that gave the story away for Ben and made him see this kid with compassionate eyes.

Chandra shared about the 80 year old grandmother, filling in her naturalization papers, and breaking down and crying when Chandra asked her about her husband. Then the story came out as to how her family had suffered when the USA Military invaded and her applying to become a citizen was, Chandra said, the culmination of a long journey.

Emmanuel said that Africa will get to hear about AmeriCorps and how his work with new immigrants allows him to give back, to share with them what opportunities America offers, that yes, you don’t have to speak English to be an American.

David sharing his time at Howard U and his own quest as a young black man to find his own authentic identity. His work at Einstein and with young people who reminded him of himself was a watershed moment.

STORIES ARE ALL WE HAVE
Stories in the end are all we have. Long after the experiences have gone, long after the one time encounters fade into the mists of memory, all we have is our stories. They are what allow us to carry our lives forward into the future, that account of what we once were, and where we once traveled. They track our journey like a map.

When we live through intense experiences like a service year, we tend to think that the immediacy and the urgency will guarantee the longevity of a deciding moment. But that is not so. We have to consciously harvest our experiences for the memories that we want to turn into stories for us to even recognize that this once was us, in 2015, doing amazing things to serve the community. I shared some of my international experience to relate to all members just how significant and inspiring their service is, and that no one, least of all them, should take it for granted.

Cherish the stories. Honor the stories that honor our purposes and our dreams. That is what we did today at Project Change, and what we will do again to see how the story unfolds.

Thanks to Jira and Ben and Miranda, to Pablo and Tina and Ashley, to Judy and my amazing alums David and Cinthia and Emely, to Cathy for a great lunch, and my 2015 Project Change Team.

Project Change Welcomes Neighboring AmeriCorps Programs

December 3, 2015 Paul Costello1 Uncategorized

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Tomorrow, Project Change welcomes representatives from other Maryland AmeriCorps programs, to share in a morning of Story Sharing, using the Living Stories method as pioneered by the Center for Narrative Studies. (www.Storywise.com.) The program will be a lot of fun and highly interactive and will produce four or five amazing stories that will represent the amazing work that these AmeriCorps programs are doing for the state of Maryland. Stay Tuned.

Story Craft- Part Two

November 24, 2015 Paul Costello1 Uncategorized

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I am always amazed by my guest faculty. I must have heard Noa Baum teach a dozen or more times and yet, I always come away with new insights. Noa runs an intense workshop on storycraft and you had better be ready. Because our numbers were uneven, I got to sit in to make up a pair and hence, got a chance to experience the workshop as a participant, working with Brandon, and Jennifer and Hashim and Janelle. What a thrill to work with each of them.

What struck me was the power of the listening and what “Listening with Delight” does to the story that the teller is sharing. The listener, says Noa, acts as a magnet to draw out the best story. If we are not being enlivened by the stories we are hearing, we might start to ask about how we are listening.

The second point that always startles me with its truth is about the relationship between the Story and the Listener. A story has a Teller and a Listener, says Noa, and the Teller has to be in control of his Telling, and able to read the Listener. They are the areas of competence a storyteller must work at. However the Teller is never in control of the relationship between the Story and the Listener. The story as heard by the listener becomes totally something else.

If someone did try and control that relationship and insist that the Listener only hear the story one way, that is propaganda or brainwashing. The literary theorists invented this obtuse phrase, ‘the play of signifiers” but they got one word right-play. The joy of storytelling is that we give permission to the listener to play with our story and make it their own.

It is what we always teach our students on our peace programs, that what you express might be meaningful to you, but what matters is what gets heard. What you say in the end is what people think you said, and if you have triggered their imaginations to go on their own inner journey, the story they are in might be even more powerful and moving than the story you are telling them. How amazing is that?

Without the cost of a plane ticket, stories transport us to another place in time and another time in place. What a gift. Thank you Noa.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OUR MEMBERS AND FRIENDS

November 24, 2015 Paul Costello1 Uncategorized

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As families gather and friends reunite, we take this time to express our deep gratitude to all members of the AmeriCorps Project Change family and all our partners and supporters, without whom our work of service would not be possible. Someone once described gratitude as “the memory of the heart.” I love that because memories summon up feelings that we discover are never lost, that are still alive in us. One day of joy can help us endure a month of misery or heartache.

I believe that days like Thanksgiving that occur in a regular cycle are good reminders that sometimes, whatever else we eat in celebration, we need most of all to feed the heart. No matter what dinner you sit down to, I hope that this week, all of you receive a special message or a hug or that some old friend reaches out from years past to say Hi and Thank You. My dear friend Michael White, the father of narrative therapy used to call these “Giving Back Practices.”

The French language is remarkable in how it takes the word for heart “coeur” and creates a family of words in english like “Courage” and “Encourage.” So let us all be encouraged this Thanksgiving, and that the spirit of selfless service continues to shine from AmeriCorps to a nation that can so easily get distracted by urgencies of the moment.

Take Heart. And Happy Thanksgiving.

How To Craft a Story- Noa Baum

November 18, 2015 Paul Costello1 Uncategorized

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This Friday, AmeriCorps Project Change members will be treated to a Master Class in Story Craft from a Master Teller and Performer Noa Baum. Noa is originally from Israel where she studied acting and came to UC Davis to be with her American husband and further develop her craft. She is famous for the One Woman Show “A Land Twice Promised” the stories of three generations of Israeli and Palestinian women, a show she has taken around the world.

At this seminar, Noa will help the team find a story from their lives and develop it into powerful testimony. She will also teach members how the power of the story resides with the power of the listener, to draw a story out of the teller. She models what “Listening with Delight” means and how powerful an experience that is for any teller. It proves the point that we rarely have that quality of listening in our lives, and rarely do we give it to anyone. And more’s the pity. Noa is a long time friend of the Project Change director and they have collaborated on many projects before, including the famous Golden Fleece Story Group in Washington DC , the Washington Ireland Peace program, and New Story Leadership. For more information on Noa and her work, go to her web site.

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Posts by Paul Costello1